Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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