so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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