You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
