you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
