Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
