you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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