Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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