You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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