I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
