he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
