it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
