Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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