just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
