Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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