He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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