hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
