I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
