you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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