I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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