If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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