I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
