Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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