Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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