there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
