There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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