If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
