How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
ttyl tear gas
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
