I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
