Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
