I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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