you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
