So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
