Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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