i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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