I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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