No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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