can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
