shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
