i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
