I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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