if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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