i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
