Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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