Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
