just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
