Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She even gives head with a lisp.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
