I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
