Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
