I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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