im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
